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PT21 Great Poker Jokes and One Liners
Poker can turn out to be a stressful game, especially when you end up losing consistently at the table. It’s important to keep your sense of humor at all times as it helps you not fall into a mental slump and helps you still laugh despite your losses.
In this article, we have put together some of the most popular poker jokes, one liners, and puns related to the game.
Here is a collection of 21 poker puns, jokes, and one-liners to bring a smile to your face.
We have added in an explanation to help those who are not familiar with poker to understand the context and have a laugh!
Brighten Up Your Game with the Best Jokes, Puns and One-liners
Knowing When to Stop
Knowing when to fold and quit the gaming session is essential while playing poker, and here is a joke about that.
Two friends walk out of a poker game. One is in his underwear, and the other is stark naked.
The naked man tells his friend, “My friend, you always know exactly when to stop, and I respect you for that“.
Questions and Answers
Use the following whenever you need a good laugh. The last one also serves as an excellent poker tip.How does a large pizza differ from a poker player?
A poker player cannot feed a family, but a large pizza can.
How is a poker room different from a church?
People really mean it when they pray in a poker room.
Why doesn’t anybody play poker in zoos?
The zoos have many cheetahs.
What can you do to get a poker player away from your doorstep?
You only have to pay him for the pizza he just delivered.
Which is the number one poker rule?
You must always keep an opponent guessing.
The Poker Face
Everybody knows the importance of a poker face while playing a game. Here is an amusing poker face joke.
A tourist spots a dog playing poker in a bar. Surprised, he asks the bartender, “Does that dog know how to play poker?”
The man replies, “Yes, but he is useless. His tail starts wagging when he gets good hands“
The One-liners
Do you like keeping things short and funny? Here are some funny one-liners.Queen Elizabeth plays poker only on the toilet because it guarantees a Royal Flush.
A cardiologist is a doctor who also plays poker.
My wife says she will leave me because I play poker too much, but I think she is bluffing.
Bankroll Management
Successful poker players do not go broke because they know how to manage their bankroll.On the contrary, amateur players often lose everything they have, like the player in this story.
An amateur poker player reaches home at 3:00 a.m., and his wife is furious. “Where have you been?” she screams.
“Just out, playing a game of poker” he replies carelessly.
“Get out of my house”, yells the furious wife.
“Oh, I should’ve informed you”, says the man. “This is not your house anymore”.
Invitations to Home Poker Games
All poker enthusiasts know how impossible it is to resist invitations to home poker games. If you love poker, you will accept an invitation to a game even if it is past midnight.
When the phone rings at Dr. Steven’s house at 10:00 p.m., his wife receives the call and passes it to him. “It’s Dr. Silver”, she says. “I hope it isn’t an emergency”.
Dr. Steven receives the phone and says, “Hey, what’s the matter?”
“We need a fourth player for poker”, Dr. Silver says. “Are you coming?”
“Yes, of course”, said Dr. Steven, putting on a serious look. “I will come right now”.
“What happened?” asks his worried wife.
“It’s a serious emergency”, Dr. Steven says. “They have already alerted three doctors, and they need me too”.
Sneaking Back Home After a Game
A female poker player who played every month with her female friends once got home at 2:00 a.m. after a game.
Determined not to disturb her husband, she undressed in the living room, tossed her purse over her shoulder, and walked barefoot into the bedroom.
She was shocked to see her husband awake and reading a book. “Gosh woman!” he yelled. “Did you lose everything?”
More Questions and Answers
Be ready with your answer if someone asks you the following.How are you sure that poker players love music?
They detest bad beats
Why shouldn’t you play poker with alligators?
You will lose all your hands
Why was everybody shocked when Jeff ate the chips?
Jeff was at a poker table
Which phrase is common to both poker players and cannibals?
Just finish the hand!
Why did the leper stop playing poker?
He lost his ass.
What do a poker player and a butcher have in common?
At some point, both will raise the steaks.
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They are not familiar with the term “full house”.
What do players think when they need to pee or poop during poker play?
Hold’em.
Why did a poker player frustrate the palm reader?
He refused to show his hand.
A Funny Poker Horror Story
Dracula was playing poker with the wolf man and the invisible man. They asked the mummy to join the game, but the mummy had no skin in the game.
The invisible man’s attempts to bluff failed miserably because his opponents could see right through him.
Ultimately, Dracula bled everyone at the table dry, and the wolf man started howling in a crazy way.
Play with Words
Do you like to play with words as much as you like playing poker? Here are a few puns to throw around at the poker table.Playing poker is fine as long as things do not get out of hand.
Origami artists can never be good at poker because they always fold.
Skeletons can never be good at poker because you can see right through them.
There’s Always Money for Poker
I ran across a panhandler in Las Vegas. He said that he needed money for his wife’s funeral. I did not believe him and accused him of begging to raise money to play poker. Taking offense, he said that he already had the money to play poker.
When a Poker Player Died
One of the players in the game died of a heart attack. The other players decide to continue the game by standing up as a mark of respect.
At the end of the game, one of them said that someone has to inform the dead man’s wife. After a long silence, one of them agrees to do it.
The player calls the wife and says, “Madam, I have some bad news and some good news”.
“What happened?” she demanded to know.
“Well, I will tell you the bad news first. Your husband just lost $20k playing poker”.
“What!” she yelled. “I will kill him for sure”.
“Well”, said the player. “That’s the good news …”
Marriage and Poker
Both marriage and poker start with two hearts and one diamond, but in the end, you only wish you had a spade and a club.
The Lie Detector
A man brought home a new lie detector and decided to test it on his family.
“Son, did you buy lunch with your lunch money?” he asked his son.
“Of course, I did”, said the boy. The lie detector buzzed, and the boy got nervous and decided to tell the truth. “Ok, I spent all my lunch money on poker games”, he said.
“I never did such things when I was your age”, said his father. The lie detector buzzed, and everybody started laughing.
“Well”, said the mother. “After all, he is your son”.
The lie detector buzzed again, and this time nobody laughed.
A Holy Poker Game
A policeman caught a priest, a minister, and a rabbi playing an illegal game of poker.
The policeman asks the priest, “You were gambling, weren’t you, Fr. Murphy?”
“Certainly not, officer”, replied the priest.
“Pastor Wilson, what about you?” asked the policeman. “Neither was I”, replied the minister.
The officer addressed the rabbi, “Rabbi Silverman, weren’t you gambling?”
The rabbi asked, “With whom, officer?”
Signs of Poker Addiction
Gambling addiction is nothing to joke about, but here are three hilarious signs of poker addiction.You say “bad beat” while sympathizing with friends.
You name your children “Raise” and “Check”.
When you lose at Texas Hold’em, you decide to play Omaha.
Funny Conversation
Wife: “How could you lose your wedding ring playing poker?”
Husband: “Yes, it’s strange. I still had the money to gamble“.
Knowing Your Poker Priorities
Player X: “Everybody says poker players are heartless“.
Player Y: “Yesterday, someone died during a game and the rest of us continued the game standing up“.
How Poker Players Propose
Proposing to the love of your life is easy, especially if she loves poker too.
You only have to get hold of a diamond card.
Interview
A poker player wins a $1 million first prize in a tournament and is being interviewed.
Interviewer: Congratulations on your win! Is it alright if I ask how you will spend your winnings?
Poker player: I owe some people some money, so I will pay them back.
Interviewer: And what about the rest?
Poker player: Well… It looks like they’ll have to wait.
Never Look Aside
An attractive blond is sitting at a casino poker table.
“I hope you don’t mind, but I’m more comfortable playing naked,” she says. Then, she immediately undresses herself.
After some heavy betting, the dealer reveals the river card and flips the hand over. The blond jumps out of her seat and starts shouting, “I won! I won! I won!”
The dealer, agitated, pushes her the pot.
“What did she have?” inquires the loser.
“I don’t know,” the dealer says. “I thought you were watching.”
Final Thoughts
Playing poker for a long time can get tiring and sometimes a bit boring. You can brighten the game with a few jokes, puns, and one-liners. Have fun making your poker buddies laugh!
Comedy and poker seem to make a good ‘pair’ nowadays (pardon the pun!), with comedians such as Kevin Hart and Jerry Seinfeld often seen at poker tables making their poker buddies laugh. As serious as it can get at the poker table, adding abit of humor to the game can help soften the blow if the chips are down.
